Once again, I have chosen to review a local Calgary author I met at the Calgary chapter of the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers. Her name is Judy Arnall and her book is entitled, “Discipline Without Distress” (3rd Edition, 2010) and can best be described as an emotionally intelligent parenting book. The subtitle is “135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment, or bribery.” Without bribery? How is that possible? ;-)

But seriously, I really like the focus on how the parent is feeling and how the child is feeling. This consistent theme throughout the book makes it, as I said, an emotionally intelligent parenting book. The five keys of discipline, according to Judy are:

• Teach not hurt.
• Stay with your “no” and honour your word.
• Look for the need or feeling (NOF) behind the behaviour.
• Separate your anger from your discipline.
• Be the person you want them to be.

Judy goes into why we have come to believe what many of us believe about discipline and then goes on to make a very compelling case for changing our traditional (irrational) beliefs for more contemporary (rational) beliefs about how to discipline children.

Judy claims we can help our children gain:

• Strong communication skills
• Healthy self-esteem, confidence, and greater emotional intelligence
• Assertiveness, empathy, problem-solving, and anger management skills
• a respectful, loving connection with us as parents.

I highly recommend this book to all parents and would be parents. Here’s to ending, as Judy says, “resentment, frustration, anger, tears, and defiance and moving to a more loving, respectful, teaching and fun connection with our children.” Check out Judy’s website at http://professionalparenting.ca/

I told myself that there are back-up regulators on each diver and our dive master is an experienced professional and knows exactly what he’s doing. I had to trust and it calmed me down. I tried to remember everything I had learned in the pool and tried to breath calmly and continue breathing and not to hold my breath. Finally, the anxiety turned to excitement as our dive master motioned for us to follow him down into another world. I succeeded in getting myself into the appropriate emotional state to complete the task and it was fantastic!

After our dive I watched the next group where there were two sisters, one who looked very nervous. I had to watch as she began shaking and crying and it looked like she was going to back out for sure while her sister seemed to remain calm while waiting at the surface. When it came time to follow the dive master, the shaking crying sister had managed to pull herself together and made the dive while the calm sister ended up backing out and not making the dive.

Back on the boat on the way back I had to ask the shaking, crying sister how she managed to make the dive after all when I was so sure she would back out. She told me that she told herself that she had a Bachelor’s degree in Voice and that she knew all about how to control breathing for singing and this was no different. She got a grip, breathed calmly and followed the group down and had a wonderful, enjoyable experience. Her sister, on the other hand, was not able to find a way to change her thinking about her situation which would change her feelings about the dive and they prohibited her from being successful and having a memorable, enjoyable experience.

Do you have a good story of changing  your emotions by changing your thinking? Let me know about it.

I hope you’re having a great summer. If not, what’s standing in your way?

As for the professional update, we (Klaudia, Kim, Becky, Sherwin, Ben, and me) have lots of great plans. We continue to offer the EQ-i Certification Course in many great cities and the EQ-360 Certification Course via teleclass. We are offering EQ coaching through Klaudia and Kim to our wonderful course participants in various parts of the world. Becky and Sherwin continue to offer all manner of design, communications, web, and marketing support. I like to refer to what they do as “emotionally intelligent design.” (see their website www.pinksheepmedia.com) And now Ben, the youngest Cory, has joined the team as all around administrative support. I’m still trying to convince my wife, Jill, to join the team, but she stubbornly (or is it ‘wisely’) refuses to do so. ;-)

So far, 2010 is shaping up wonderfully well with many partnerships and great clients in many parts of the world. This year work will take me to Madrid, Seattle, San Francisco, Lagos, Ottawa, Calgary, Toronto, Ghana, Johannesburg, and hopefully back to Trinidad and Beijing. More people than ever are getting their certification to use the EQ-i in advance of the release of the EQi-2.0®, which is a very exciting new product from MHS. More on that as it becomes available.

I continue to wonder how I can better serve my clients. What types of products and services do my clients need? I’ve learned that they need products and services which can help them to make personal changes easier, better, faster, cheaper. I’ve learned that they are looking to understand the connection between EI/EQ and the bottom line better. And I’ve certainly learned that in a technical environment like the gas and oil industry in Calgary, that it’s harder to see the connection between EI/EQ and improved organizational performance – “it’s really just about the technology – isn’t it?”

I will continue to learn and I’ll continue to try to turn that learning around and pass it on to my clients. It is what gives me energy and it is my passion. Thanks for tuning in. This time, I’m going to do everything in my power to keep writing.

Cheers,

David

Where do you need to be? Right where you are or somewhere else?

Let me know. Write me at david@eitrainingcompany.com