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Emotional Expression, Show notes, episode 4

Emotional Expression

This was the fourth broadcast in our fifteen part series on emotional intelligence. We’re reviewing all fifteen dimension of the EQ-i2.0® model of EI by MHS. Emotional Expression is the fourth competency and the first one in core area of Self-Perception.

Here are some notes and links from today’s show. Please join us in two weeks, on Friday September 11th at 9:30AM Pacific, for our next broadcast on Emotional Expression, and we’ll discuss the next competency, Assertiveness. Need a reminder? You can subscribe to our EQ and You reminders.


EQ Edge, 2011, by Steven J. Stein, Ph.D.

“Hiding Feelings: The Acute Effects of Inhibiting Negative and Positive Emotion” (PDF), James J. Gross, Stanford and Robert W. Levenson, Berkeley

“Emotion regulation: Affective, cognitive, and social consequences” (PDF), James J. Gross

“Got Conflict? How It Can Boost Your Health, Reduce Cortisol and Lengthen Life,” By Athena Staik, Ph.D.

When the Body Says No, by Dr. Gabor Maté


Partial show notes

 

0:00 Introduction by David
1:00 David: We’re doing the show from the road. We’re in Toronto. Mike Walters is also joining us…
2:00 David: Many folks think that emotional expression and other competencies are different between the sexes and that there is a biological basis for this. I don’t know if this is the case. What we do know is that the genders are socialized very differently and “Big boys don’t cry” is a powerful message that I heard growing up and I think that’s a common message across our society…
2:20 Kim: I just spent some time with a good friend who I shared time with at a YMCA camp. There was a lot of interesting developmental research happening then and much of it was folded into the workshops and tea groups. And we were lucky to be a part of that…
4:20 David: Yes, and what I hear you saying is that we can learn! Even if we’re male, we can learn. We all come into the world fully equipped with the same emotional operating system regardless of what culture or what gender we’re socialized into…
6:00 Kim: Ha ha, yes the iceberg analogy is interesting too because I was flipping through the EQ Edge recently and I was reading about the retention rates of verbal communication and how so much of what is remembered is the emotional affect…
7:00 David: This is why it’s such a fallacy to think that we can stuff down our emotions all the time… emotions leak out and we’re not fooling people. People pick up on our body language and our facial emotional expressions…
7:20 Kim: Yes, and it speaks to authenticity and how present am I being and am I being my authentic self in a given situation…
8:00 David: As long as society is teaching us that there are certain emotions that are acceptable and others that are not, we have a challenge…
9:10 David: We often talk about expression in conjunction with emotional self-awareness in the sense that awareness is often thought to come first… one study found that expressing anger actually lowered the cortisol level present in the body…

10:00 Kim: Yes, there’s vulnerability. Vulnerability is an important part of authenticity. Check out the work of Brené Brown…
10:30 David: We’re not advocating throwing plates [laughs]. We are advocating for and supporting appropriate expressions of emotion…
11:30 Kim: Containment and suppression of emotions can come at a cost to health and well-being…
12:20 David: Withholding emotion can also come at a huge cost to your relationships… sharing beneath the surface is an integral part of trust and leadership…
13:20 Kim: …authenticity is about congruency… are your eyes, your posture, your jaw, your behaviour matching your other messagess..
14:50 Kim: … in our culture we avoid vulnerability because of the pressure to appear fully formed…
15:45 David: … yeah, the culture of perfection is everywhere…
17:00 David: What should we recommend to people in terms of expressing their emotions…
17:20 Kim: One great starting place is to build your vocabulary for feelings…
18:40 Kim: And you’ve also mentioned this, but I would recommend people get comfortable with being uncomfortable…
19:00 David: Yes. And sharing the difficulty, sharing the burden is essential…
21:00 David: Interestingly, into old age, generally women do a better job of having relationships where they can share and express themselves emotionally…
21:45 Kim: …good point and reminds us that independence does not go away with vulnerability or with your ability to share or express yourself. These can get conflated…
22:30 David: Yes, the fifteen competencies are instruments in an orchestra and we use them in concert… on other competency to consider so that we don’t overshare is impulse control, or perhaps reality testing…
23:40 Kim: [Laughs] Yes, let’s not run amok giving voice to every emotion…
28: David: Send us your stories and insights…
29:00 Kim: Goodbye for now, and perhaps today you can try practicing expressing some emotion with someone in your life…

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