Interpersonal Relationships, show notes, episode 7

Interpersonal Relationships is the seventh broadcast in our fifteen part series on EI. We’re working our way through the fifteen dimension of the EQ-i 2.0® model of EI by MHS.Interpersonal Relationships is the first competency in the Interpersonal composite.

Here are some notes and links from the show. Please join us next week on Friday, October 9th at 9:30AM Pacific, for our next broadcast on Interpersonal Relationships. Need a reminder? You can subscribe to our EQ and You reminders.


Interpersonal Relationships refers to the skill of developing and maintaining mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by trust and compassion.

Workshop exercise: Break off into pairs and then use this prompt, “If you really know me, you would know that…”, to share new things and explore mutuality.

Triumphs of Experience, The Men of the Harvard Grant Study, 2012, by George E. Vaillant

The Grant Study, Study of Adult Development at Harvard Medical School 75-year longitudinal study

“The 75-Year Study That Found The Secrets To A Fulfilling Life,” Carolyn Gregoire

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, 2002, Patrick Lencioni


0:00 Introduction by David
0:30 David: Interpersonal Relationships is a dimension of the EQ-i 2.0 model of emotional intelligence, based on the work by Reuven Baron. Interpersonal Relationships is one of the fifteen competencies and it’s also a kind of resultant factor. It happens to be one of the most important factors in happiness and longevity, based on a number of studies including a Harvard longitudinal study on graduates
1:20 Kim: Yeah, the quality of our interpersonal relationships is key to quality of life… and the strength of our connections to others, also contributes strongly to our ability to deal with health challenges… interpersonal relationships impacts our internal capacities on many levels
2:30 Kim: …and having good connection with others does not mean we can’t have quality alone time
3:05 David: Relationships are about mutuality …everything that is beneath the surface is there for the sharing and when we share it it can contribute to incredible connection. So what do we want to share and with who do we want to share it… why not make make the time we spend with people, an opportunity to share our thoughts and feelings…
4:10 Kim: …mutuality requires that we are present to other people, that we notice their nonverbal cues, that we’re curious about how they’re doing…
David: …there’s a generational difference in understanding relationships at work…
6:00 Kim: …boundaries are important here, and we’re in charge of the depth that we go, in our relationships…
10:45 Kim: …yeah, and closer relationships are not always about happiness. Sometimes is not about friendship. But it can still be about a more effective relationship with a coworker. Conflict in the workplace happens and healthy relating can happen, respect can happen, and perspectives can be very different, but by working on sharing and relating we can stop conflicts which stop growth from happening…
12:41 David: Yes, I think this is an important idea – that it’s about maintaining the relationship through whatever we have to go through, and there’s going to be conflict. Patrick Lencioni notes the second tier in the pyramid in Five Dysfunctions of a Team, is fear of conflict. We must realize that conflict means something good is happening. The base of the pyramid is trust… trust develops in the context of mutuality and interpersonal relationships…

14:30 David: Relationships force us to think about what we want to share and with who do we want to share it…
16:00 Kim: …what I hear from people in workshops, is that sharing can help people feel fulfilled and navigate risk – people need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable…
17:50 David: …that mutual connection is nice. How can people develop their connections?
18:20 Kim: …there’s an opportunity to be assertive and express your interest in being more connected…
19:20 David: I think empathy is so powerful in terms of turning our attention and focusing our inquiry. “How’s it going?” can be a deep question, if you choose to listen.
21:20 Kim: …being “too busy” to connect with people, is a way of signalling your priorities…
22:10 David: And we have practical limits on the time we can spend being present to people.
23:15 Kim: Yeah, and we can communicate and be present even when we’re setting limits and boundaries.
24:30 David: Expressing appreciating helps with building relationships.
25:30 Kim: One opportunity is to develop a historical or meta view with the person you have challenges – this can help communicate that you care and that you notice…
26:40 David: And thinking about intention and impact… making the implicit explicit…
28:30 Kim: Reflection about what are the relationships in your life can go a long way…
29:25: David: Most of us have something we need to say to somebody. And who needs some of our time? … If you don’t know how to improve your relationships, try asking.

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