More New Year’s resolution success with emotional intelligence
Resolutions. Are we setting ourselves up for feeling like we’re failing?

As we approach the end of January, it’s a good time to reflect on New Year’s resolutions.
For many of us, there is something about the changing of the year that gets us thinking about changes we want to make. It can be very compelling! This feeling of newness, that as the year turns, we also want to turn a new page in our lives. The “empty” calendar invites us to imagine all the possibilities for a better future.
But have we set ourselves up for feeling like we’re failing?
If we think of resolutions in a binary way: that we are either succeeding or failing, we are almost certainly going to fail. Humans are imperfect. And change can be hard.
So, what can we do instead? One option is quitting. Quitting is under-rated. If you don’t like the idea of quitting, here are some other options.
Celebrating progress, not perfection
When we embrace our imperfections we create space to celebrate the progress we make.
How might it feel to do this?
We think it’s a lot more inspiring and energizing to build and focus on small successes, rather than on the ways we aren’t measuring up to our “resolutions”.
So, for example, if you have resolved to read more books in 2024, maybe you resolved to read a book a week or a book a month. You might already be behind on your resolutions.
That’s okay! Focus on the progress. Bring your attention back to your joy of reading. Draw yourself back the way books connect to your values and your dreams. And keep going.
Resolutions might be the wrong frame
A resolution is a decision. It’s a declaration. It is, perhaps, too binary.
By calling our goals resolutions, we might be setting ourselves up for failure.
Consider sticking to more of the spirit of New Year’s Resolutions and worry less about the binary of winning and losing.
I want to explore new places through new authors. I want to experience life through different lenses and perspectives and I want to have access to different experiences. I want to transport myself to different places and ways of being through books.
This feels so different from “I should read more; I’m going to read a book a month.”
Maybe now is the time to rewrite or reframe your resolutions in more emotionally intelligent terms.
A few ways to reconsider your resolutions through the lens of emotional intelligence
Here are a few tips and tricks to reconsider your New Year’s resolutions. First, congratulations on being interested in resolutions; this indicates that you’re prioritizing your growth and that you have some Self-Actualization skills.
You might be feeling daunted by your commitments to yourself, so lean into Optimism and the power you have to keep going. And, it might be that the goals you set yourself are too ambitious. So consider using some Reality Testing skills to recalibrate your goals. Make your goals manageable. The energy you get from success is momentum that you can build on. Reality Testing doesn’t have to be a downer. You can re-imagine and re-invigorate your commitment to growth. You can also use this skill and check in with your trusted advisors about the quality of your resolutions. Your goals might need a subtle rewrite, but you might discover in the process that you need to reconsider them more deeply.
For many of us, our life contexts can suck the time and energy we have to fulfill our goals and growth plans. So now is the time to practice the dual power skills of Assertiveness and Flexibility. Is someone asking you for more than you can deliver? Lean into Assertiveness to protect your time boundaries so you can fulfill your reading goals. Is your life throwing too many moving targets your way? Practice Flexibility and try reading in smaller doses. Bring creativity in finding small moments in your day when you can read. Change your plans, and change your plans again. It could be that how you fulfill your reading passions might look different than you imagined.
Permission to be messy
Aspirations are good. Striving is good. We want to encourage you to give yourself permission to be messy.
Many people embrace progress but don’t give themselves permission to not be perfect. This can have toxic consequences.
Because we’re doing something new, it’s going to be messy and uncomfortable. There’s no way around this. We can’t predict what’s going to happen, because it’s a new thing we’ve never done.
You got this!
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