How traveling, and family, exercises our emotional intelligence skills

Tanzania is a beautiful country. I grew up there. And I have lived in Canada for many years of my adult life. Having been immersed in Canada and Tanzania has given me a unique insight into both places.

What I’ve learned on my recent trip back to Tanzania is that traveling between worlds is good exercise for many emotional intelligence skills.

When people first land at Julius Nyerere International Airport in Dar-es-Salaam Tanzania, they get a reality check. Even though I grew up there, I also get a potent, felt reminder that I’ve entered a warm (hot!) country filled with gracious people, affordable and delicious food (abundance of fruits and vegetables), and natural wonders such as the Ngorongoro crater.

When traveling, problem solving is a way of life: what do you do when you need to iron your clothes and realize that the power has gone out? Well, initially I considered canceling the engagement I had with a friend because I could not go outside the house with wrinkled clothes! But then I realized that this would mean there would be many days that I would be canceling engagements and staying home. So, I heated a stainless steel cooking pan on the gas stove and used this as an iron. It worked great!

In the EQ-i 2.0 Model, problem solving is the ability to find solutions to problems in situations where emotions are involved. It includes how emotions impact decision-making. The fact is there will always be problems. And emotions will always be involved! Social pressure, shame, cultural expectations, and family histories are an emotionally laden tapestry. Solving problems and remaining cool, at least cooler than the weather, when faced with challenging situations, is a powerful capacity.

Umoja is everything: the word umoja, in Swahili, which is the language spoken in Tanzania and many East African countries, means unity or togetherness. Tanzanians for the most part do everything together. Rarely have I seen someone eating by themselves, which in other countries can be a common practice. The way the elderly are respected and cared for represents this spirit of unity. 

In the EQ-i 2.0 model, this can be described as having high social responsibility. This is the willingness to contribute to society, to one’s social group, and generally to the welfare of others. It involves acting responsibly, having social consciousness, and showing concern for the greater community. 

One interesting challenge is how to enact this emotional intelligence competency in new contexts. When we shift contexts, and especially when we shift cultural contexts, like when we travel, we have to be extra attentive to the places and people around us. This is not an abandonment of our own values; in a very real way, it’s about attending to all of our values, deeply, and to avoid jumping to conclusions in the new contexts we find ourselves in. 

And so reality testing is another key emotional intelligence skill we can lean on when we travel. Do we perceive foreigners as other? Is the grass always greener on the other side? As a traveler, and as an outsider, we might be pulled by both kinds of biases! It’s incumbent on us to relax our preconceptions, listen carefully to other people, and deepen our understanding.

Similarly, flexibility is paramount. In Tanzania, scheduling is different from what I have become used to in Canada. In Canada when I make a plan, let’s say to meet up with a friend for coffee, most of the time we both show up on or before the scheduled time. In Tanzania however, it is less common. There are lots of reasons for this. I was initially frustrated, but then caught myself.

In the EQ-i 2.0 model of Emotional Intelligence, flexibility is defined as the ability to adjust one’s emotions and behaviors to changing situations and conditions. In a country like Tanzania, there are practical complexities in transportation, life, and more. And I had to adjust my expectations, and give people more grace around scheduling. The last thing I wanted to do was express frustration or annoyance.

I’m very fortunate to be able to call both Canada and Tanzania my home. Travelling is a privilege, and a joy, and often an opportunity to work on our emotional intelligence skills.

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