Self-regard: show notes, episode 1

Here are some notes and links from today’s show. Please join us in two weeks, on Friday July 31 at 9:30AM Pacific, for our next broadcast on Self-Actualization. Need a reminder? You can subscribe to our EQ and You reminders.

Special thank you to Tshidi Botshelo-Rankoa for her contributions today.
Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability
Carol Dweck: Open and closed mindsets Also Carol on Wikipedia

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0:00 Introduction by Kim Cairns…
1:00 Kim: Please submit your question and comments on this episode and future episodes…
1:45 David: we’re hoping to engage each other, and engage you the watcher, and so please do send in your thoughts and questions and stories…
2:00 David: one interesting thing about Self-Regard is just how many synonyms there are… self-esteem, field independence, self-respect, etc…
3:18 Kim: Self-regard can be understood from many perspectives … and it’s an ongoing process.
4:30 David: Yes, that’s interesting, the phrase “self-regard,” unlike other competencies, has no built in valuation or directionality, unlike for example, with emotional self-awareness, the more aware the better. But with self-regard, it’s how we see ourselves and we have to make an assessment of whether our self-regard is healthy, and how it’s serving us…
5:30 Kim: this kind of relates this competency to reality-testing and also to how we value our relationships…
6:10 David: We don’t have self-regard in a vaacuum…
6:55 Kim: Yes, what you’re talking about is how self-regard also is shaped on context…
7:10 David: Self-regard requires acceptance, and we can allow ourselves to have some margins…
8:00 Kim: There’s a lot of pressure in our culture to present as fully formed and fully functioning all the time. So we up the ante internally on all of that… so there’s an opportunity to become comfortable with being uncomfortable…
9:05 David: I don’t think popular culture and the media necessarily help us to do this… we learn that there’s a certain way to be, to be seen… The more we accept that as humans we are flawed, the better off we’re going to be (see Brené Brown links below)
10:30 Kim: I hear a lot of “should” there! [laughs]
10:40 Laughing
11:20 David: There are some real enemies of healthy self-regard, and one of them is ego… some very competent people are in situations where leadership provides critical feedback in a mean way and it decreases productivity by hurting people’s self-regard…
13:00 Kim: Tshidi inquired this week, what happens when your healthy self-regard continues to take a beating? … feedback can be depersonalized… question can be asked, “is this serving the purpose that we’re here for?”
15:00 David: It’s not about who’s doing what to whom. It’s about how are we working together to achieve a common goal. We can shift our focus away from people. We take our beliefs about ourselves or other people out of the equation …
16:00 David: … which relates to choice points … what beliefs can we disregard? It’s tough to do.
16:40 Kim: [Laughs] Yeah, changing beliefs is an ongoing process! We’re constantly adjusting course … choice points are an opportunity to back up and pause flexing our choices in benefit of our self-regard…
18:50 David: The interwoven nature of these capacities is fascinating… when folks lack self-regard, they sometimes don’t speak up in meetings, and it can overlap with their assertiveness…
20:00 David: Isn’t it interesting how we attach what we do to who we are?
21:10 David: Kim, let’s talk about how a high score in self-regard gets leaders in trouble.
21:30 Kim: There’s that notion [laughs] that we have to score very high in every competency… sometimes leaders have a more dogmatic approach, ego approach … it’s not going to be good for the organization…
22:30: David: … it can contribute to corruption too, in the sense, that people can have an unhealthy self-regard, even if they score high on the EQ-i … some of the research in self-regard connects it to humility. Being humble and recognizing that we’re not above others, is important to healthy self-regard… the other areas of research relate self-regard to forgiveness, and to forgiveness of ourselves…
24:50 Kim: … like, what is driving my sense of self-protection … sometimes, we’re talking about people’s exploration of how they identify, and their limiting beliefs …
27:30 David: …yes, like Carol Dweck and her work on open and closed mindsets (see Carol Dweck links below) and also the work by Amy Cuddy on power stances (see Amy Cuddy links below) …
30:10 Kim: Thanks everyone for watching, today, and also later. Do keep in mind that our next show is about self-actualization and we would love to feature your stories or answer your questions…

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