Independence, show notes, episode 6

Independence is the sixth broadcast in our fifteen part series on emotional intelligence. We’re two fifths of the way through the fifteen dimension of the EQ-i2.0® model of EI by MHS. Independence is third competency in the Self-Expression subscale and it relates to well being as well as directly to performance.

Here are some notes and links from the show. Please join us next week on Friday, October 9th at 9:30AM Pacific, for our next broadcast on Interpersonal Relationships. Need a reminder? You can subscribe to our EQ and You reminders.


Independence is the ability to be self directed and free from emotional dependency on others. Decision-making, planning, and daily tasks are completed autonomously.

Emotional Intelligence in Everyday Life, John H. Beck, Psychology Press 2013

EQ Interview Questions, by David Cory

“Codependent or Simply Dependent: What’s the Big Difference?”, Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.

The Emotionally Intelligent Workplace: How to Select For, Measure, and Improve Emotional Intelligence in Individuals, Groups, and Organizations, Cary Cherniss Daniel Goleman, John Wiley & Sons 2003


0:00 Introduction by David
0:00 Kim: The idea of independence is the notion of being comfortable with my independent thoughts… it’s the notion of being self-directed and not being dependent on others for my emotions… it’s essential in professional contexts to bring my full self forward…
1:30 David: It’s important to not hold back… even in a social setting where I’m being asked where to go for dinner… what can be perceived as flexibility is often a failure to really show up
4:00 Kim: Humour is so important, and the capacity to chuckle at ourselves is so important… meetings are a great example of where independent thoughts often fail to get expressed…
5:00 David: And isn’t it ironic that independence does not exist independently at least not in the context of emotional intelligence… independence is not isolation. Independence is being a contributing member to groups. What we’re working toward is interdependence… independence is a necessary component of interdependence..
6:00 Kim: In our own minds, we tend to imagine potential negative outcomes of having independent thoughts and expressing them, so it’s helpful to be able to notice that and dispute that and present authentically, bringing forward some other capacities like curiosity…

7:00 David: Low independence is not a tendency to collaborate… high independence is necessary for effective collaboration...
8:00 [phone rings] [laughter] [Kim leaves momentarily]
8:45 David: Dependence is normal and okay for children and new employees… learning independence is important…
10:30 Kim: not committing to noticing and giving voice to my independent thoughts and feelings can give rise to resentment and passive aggressive behaviours – like “why didn’t you know what I thought!”…
11:30 David: yes and in this sense, independence is related to Self-Regard… and as leaders we want employees to act independentally…
13:00 Kim: Independence in families is complicated…
14:00 David: … on one hand we’re considering our own independence, and on the other we’re considering others’ independence and we may need to make space for independence in others
15:00 Kim: Good point for business too, because leaders need to make space for independence in others… create opportunities for indepedence…
15:30 David: I’ve heard you say often, in the context of young people, to make sure they have space to make decisions that matter… it’s true with employees as well…
16:30 Kim: Coaching employees and team members through failure is so important… failure is a normal part of independence…
18:30 David: Independents is related to Self-Regard in the sense of being comfortable in one’s own skin… independence is not aloneness… independence is related to assertiveness too…
19:50 Kim: Strong independence makes you a more vital cog in the machinery wherever you find yourself…
20:00 David: How do people improve their independence?
20:30 Kim: One way is by getting in charge of the negative self-talk…
21:25 David: Or ask yourself the question, what would I decide if I didn’t have to be accountable to anyone else?
22:00 David: Or look for ways to be spend time alone and get in touch with your own voice and your own interests.
22:54 Kim: I like that idea of taking myself out to a movie, or out for a meal… we can really learn about ourselves in strange places too…
24:20 David: I like to take the dog for a walk… being in touch with my thoughts and feelings…
24:40 David: Independence is part of being a good partner, a good son or daughter, a good family member…
25:30 Kim: Independence is also very related to values and being in congruence with your own values…
26:40 David: It is possible to have too much independence – the key is healthy independence…
27:00 Kim: [laughter] …the bonus of this EI model is the opportunity to increase your self-awareness of how you’re operating…

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